Feeling conflicted between the path you’re on and a dream you’d love to pursue?

If you’ve ever had a desire that seemed like a pipe dream – just a little bit unrealistic or out of reach – this episode is for you.

In this episode of The Career Rx we’ll discuss:

  • How this author went from hobby writing and rejection to all-in success
  • Shira Shiloah’s shift from repeated rejection to really making it happen
  • The catalyst that changed everything

Today’s interview with Shira Shiloah, an anesthesiologist and writer of medical thrillers, we discuss how she made her dream a reality – and how you can do the same.

By the end of this episode, you’ll be inspired with a new mindset shift – shake the feeling of “can’t” and turn your dreams into real life. AND, you’ll know that following your passions doesn’t mean giving up medicine (unless you want to).

In this Episode:

[0:50] Meet today’s guest, Shira Shiloah
[4:15] Going halftime to focus on writing?! For real.
[7:50] TransforMD – a life-changing retreat for women physicians
[9:37] “I didn’t even mention the medical thriller that I wrote, because I wasn’t proud of it yet.”
[13:40] How Shira took charge of the process and left rejection behind
[17:10] What this process can teach you about yourself
[23:10] Balancing two careers – how life’s changed since the first book
[25:40] Understanding a mindset shift
[29:00] A message to all creative women physicians

Links and Resources:

TransforMD – a transformational retreat for women physicians who want more
Emergence by Shira Shiloah
www.shirashiloahmd.com


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TRANSCRIPT: Episode 69 – Writing a Medical Thriller with Physician Author Shira Shiloah

Hey there, you’re listening to The Career Rx podcast. I’m your host, Marjorie Stiegler. In this show, we tackle the important things they don’t teach you in medical school. Like how to treat your career, like the business, it really is, with strategies to accelerate the kind of success that you want. Because you deserve a career you love and a career that loves you back. Are you ready? Let’s get into it.

So welcome everyone back to another episode of their career prescription. I am honored today to have with me a truly inspirational colleague and friend, that I’m going to bring on today to tell you about her living her dream really, and so that you can feel like all of your dreams are available to you as well. She is a physician. She’s an anesthesiologist like me, and she is a published author, not just a published author, but a writer of medical thrillers. So if you’ve ever had sort of a dream that you felt was maybe a pipe dream, or just a little bit unrealistic or out of reach, please keep listening to hear from my friend, Shira Shalom, welcome so much to the show. Thank you for being here, Shira.

Thank you so much for having me, Marjorie, it’s an honor to see you here and to talk to you and to be on your podcast. It’s a fabulous podcast. It’s actually been helping me with my career as an author, I could tell you about that.

But thank you for having thanks for being here. It’s great to see you. Obviously, my audience is not able to see you, but I can see you. You look amazing. You’re glowing. Life is good. Yes, amen. Thank you. You too. It’s incredible, because we’re really kind of coming out from a pretty downer year, right? COVID was a tough year for a lot of people. And when I think about the last time that I saw you, it was really right before COVID hit. But before we dive into like that, and sort of where this story, at least the story that I know about you begins, would you take just a couple minutes to tell my audience a little bit just about, about you, you know your life, how you found your way to medicine and sort of maybe where you were up until the point where we met at the at the TransforMD retreat.

Sure, I can try to summarize a little bit. So I’m an anesthesiologist, as you mentioned, I actually grew up I was born in Israel. That’s the name Shira Shiloah. I was born in Israel, but I grew up actually in Memphis, Tennessee, went away quite a few times for school and for different, you know, the news, different events in my life, came back to Memphis for medical school, went to residency, Northwestern in Chicago. And then I came back and got this private practice position here in Memphis. And it’s been great, medical anesthesia group. And I was full time, up until four years ago.

And at that time, four years ago, I went part time still taking call, but half the call. And my partners have been amazing. And I focused a lot more of my efforts towards my dream of writing and becoming an author. And I have been writing pretty consistently, reading consistently, writing consistently for a decade. And those four years as a part timer, I kind of took on this other role in my life as a writer and getting acclimated into the community. And it’s a great community, the writing community. And I went to conferences, and I went to intensives. And I wrote, I wrote a book. And I really worked hard to get it traditionally published, I sent it off to multiple editors, multiple agents, and I always kept getting the rejections and kept getting kind of their worst still making progress. I got, I got kinda rejections. But I kept getting rejected. And that’s kind of the date where you saw me.


Wait, let me backup from there, though, right? Because that’s a whole lot. I can imagine that a lot of people who are listening are thinking to themselves, that’s a pretty enormous leap just in the first place of going halftime to focus on writing. So what can you tell I know sometimes, you know, after the fact, especially if it’s four or five or six years after the fact, can be hard to remember what that space felt like. But that’s something that was a hard decision, easy decision. I mean, what was that like for you?

You know, it’s such a good question. Where does the desire to write come from? And I would, I honestly think the majority of authors tell you, it’s this innate need to get the story out. Like when you’re a storyteller, you have to tell the story. And it kind of simmers in your brain, and it won’t let you sleep. Like I wake up at night thinking about my books and thinking about my characters. And just, it’s innate. It’s innate. I think a lot of artists feel that way.

They don’t know why or how or what, but most writers that I know are also big readers, and I’ve been an avid reader my entire life. So I think maybe that also is part of it. Being an avid reader and then wanting to right kind of go hand in hand but like I said, they’re in terms of like, it’s a story that just has to come out because I can think of a lot of people who’ve got plenty of hobbies or interests that they’re not going to quit half their job to pursue. That’s a big step.

Yeah, yeah. And you know, it still was just gonna be a hobby. I’m not gonna lie, Marjorie, I didn’t think I was going to become an author. I didn’t think I was gonna have two books in me, everything I was gonna have. I didn’t. I just knew I needed to write. But it was a hobby. It wasn’t a second career. I went from full time to part time and that was kind of it. And then I had this wonderful time to read and write. And it just kept evolving. And then I got hit with this epiphany for this book for the book that I published, and I couldn’t stop writing. It just kept coming out now. Yeah.

That’s not the same book as the book where you were getting kinder and gentler rejections.

No, that is, that is the book. Yeah. Yeah. It’s the first, it’s the only published book. So this book I, I got kinder rejections from basically no, no, no, I’m not I’m not interested to. Oh, you know, I really liked the premise, but then it went from, I really liked the premise and the description and characterizations, great, however. And then the last one was from a dream agent. And that’s the one you’re talking about. That’s what I emailed you guys about. It was a dream agent. It was who I really wanted.

And I at that point, I thought I hadn’t but I thought I’d done everything I could to make the book sellable and marketable for her. And, and then she sends me this email, and it said, and I hung on to these words, it said, “I can tell you’re a writer of talent.” And I just clung to it. I just needed to hear that from her. You know, even though she didn’t want to be my agent. That was the first time that rejection letter had been kind. Wow. Wow, that’s like a gift. But it didn’t. It didn’t feel like it at that moment. No, it just felt like a rejection. But I did hold on to it. In fact, I have a stack behind me of 60 projections.

And because that’s what I decided at that moment, I said, I’m gonna stop at that was the rejection. This is after TransforMD. I that was the rejection where I said, I am going to stop waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. And I’m just going to live it myself. Well, okay, so let’s back up for people then because So you and I met at the transform retreat, right? If for people who are listening who may or may not know about this event, it’s for women physicians is just a once a year annual retreat, a really small number of people, we have fewer than 20 attendees. And many people who come are people who are looking for something more dramatic in their lives.

So they either want to rebalance their career or they want to take a sort of a second career type of shift. And I do remember you talking about wanting to write at the retreat. Do you remember what your headspace was at that time? Or, actually, and before that? Why did you come to the retreat?

So I actually came to the retreat, not knowing what I was getting into. But my best friend for residency, it turned out to be an amazing, you know, it actually changed the course of my life. But I actually just went to sit at the beach with my best friend. And it was a CME, as you know. And so my best friend from residency had said, Oh, will you go to Cancun with me? And I didn’t… I’m like, when, where Let’s go. And so I took, I took advantage of it. And then when I got there beforehand, you guys sent us some preparation material. And in that preparation material of the social media, to look through your social media and figure out your first five pages of your name as an MD, and then just as your name and that was very digital audit. Yeah, to see how you show up online. Yep. That was very eye opening and upsetting. I was like, what this is what shows up. So because it was it didn’t represent me at all. There was nothing, I owned none of that media.

None of that was about me. None of it was anything that I would want my name on. So that we get to this beautiful retreat, and very intensive, wonderful meditation retreat, but we’re actually going to delve into some really hard questions. You know, you need to talk about what’s going on in your life to like, kind of get to figure out what you want to do next. And I didn’t even know I was in that transition period. I like I said, writing was a hobby, and I was getting rejected. So yeah, one of the one of the things that really mattered for me at the TransforMD conference was, we were sitting around it was, it was I think it was the second maybe the third day of intensives. We’ve done a lot at that point. And that’s when I first set up that I had this book in the cleaner in the tribe remember it coming out as sort of a surprise to me like wait a minute.

Yeah. Yeah, I didn’t even mention that I had this medical thriller that I wrote, because I wasn’t proud of it yet. You know, I nobody had patted me on the back and said, hey, it’s good. I didn’t know that. I just got rejections. So I mentioned it and I said, Yeah, I have this book and you were very, you use zoned in immediately. You said, “Wait a minute. So what’s going on with this book?” I said, Well, you know what, nobody wants an ugly baby. And everybody laughed at you and you wouldn’t let it go. You said, “Wait a minute, wait a minute. So what if it is an ugly baby? Why haven’t you released it? Why isn’t it out in the world?” And I had to really delve into that. You know, that was a very poignant question. And I had to really delve into fear and ego and uncertainty. And am I good enough? Is it good enough?

Will I be mocked? All these really intense fears, you know, and it’s all it’s all ego, really. It’s normal. It’s all normal. It’s all normal. But it was holding me back. It was holding, it was holding back a dream of mine. Because an agent didn’t take the book. Because no agent had picked it up. I thought that wasn’t good enough, which is ridiculous. They only accept 1% of the books, they can’t sell every good book out there. They just can’t. I didn’t have a platform, which you educated me about. I didn’t have a blog, which educated me about or a website I hadn’t published on anybody else’s blog, which you’ve educated me about. So I came home from that conference. And I wrote an article about it. And it got submitted to KevinMD, yeah, I remember that. And, and then he published it. And that first publication of one article that I had written, gave me a little bit of wind. Good. Yeah. And I go, I can’t do this, maybe. So then I started the website. And then I started my blogging. And then I went full force. Yeah.

That’s so, that’s so great. That’s so amazing. Because really, so you’re just coming to you know, get some fun in the sun with the bestie. doing much more I was. And it was it was great. Who knew that was our last like international trip for the next who knows how long?

It’s incredible. And when I think about it, so we’re doing it again, you know, I mean, we didn’t do it this past year. We are doing it again in January. I haven’t sent actually any nothing’s been published by the time this podcast airs. I it will be but no, you know, no, no signup materials or anything like that have been out in the universe just yet.

So your women, you got to go to this women doctors, you should go to this. This is been one of my all time favorite CMEs. It’s an incredible experience with incredible leaders and the women there are so interesting. So we have our own little face Facebook group, we chat we text each other. It’s this great venue, the great situation to make real connections with other professional women. I cannot recommend it enough. Highly go, I want to go again.

Well, you can, you know, Nancy’s come three times. Nancy has come three times. She’s amazing. Yeah, just keep coming. But it’s true. You know, there is that super depth of connection that you know, you we all kind of walk in totally different types of people. I mean, all women physicians, but just from all different experiences with all different stuff going on. And in a really short time. Just Just get that deep connection. What’s one of the things I love about the most? So you came for fun in the sun you came home with with, you know, major plans and some direction and then you got that you got the the nicest rejection letter of the one that said that you are a writer of talent.

You got a little wind in your sails from Kevin MD, and then you decided you’re going to go independent. So tell us a little bit about that process. What was that like? Sure. So it’s a really steep learning curve. You know, I joke that it took me 13 years to get a medical degree and board certification take took me 13 years to get good enough for this published book. There’s so many little intricacies that go into independent publishing, and I highly recommend to all authors all Indies, you’ve got to seek professional assistance to make your book stand out and to be competitive in the traditional market. So the cover is professionally I can I paid I yeah, I paid for a beautiful artist.

I hired an incredible copy editor Erica McIntire again, she’s amazing. I highly recommend her. I hired a proofreader. I hired an internal, inside design. And then I worked hard to get reviews and that’s the scariest part. So I sent off the book The advanced reader copy to Kirkus and to book life and to Midwest book reviews to get those reviews so like and have a little bit of credit. Street crowd you know, publishing credit on the jacket. Yeah, yeah. On the jacket. And it’s terrifying because that’s those are third party that was the first third party person to read my book, not somebody who’s working to help it better. Not family, not friends. So when, I when I sent it out to Caracas, and I opened it, my heart was pounding because it’s almost like opening if you pass the boards or not. Yeah. Like that’s how you feel like did I pass my oral boards like did they like it or like my baby is my baby ugly and they loved it right? They gave me the most beautiful reviews and then once I got that I asked for a few authors that I know personally, if they would read it and review it, and they gave me beautiful reviews. And then I had this. I had everything ready.

Sorry, let me stop you for a second. she cursed me. We haven’t even told people the name of your book. Ah, sorry. The book is called Emergence. Emergence is a state of emeth anesthesia where you’re waking from anesthesia. So it’s a double play because the book does have a protagonist, who is an anesthesiologist who is having to deal with a murderer or a killer in her midst. And so it’s a medical thriller and emergence.

Yeah, so the little quote that’s on the front cover from one of the hosts who reviewed your book said, “A tantalizing plot for fans who like their happily ever after, with a dash of medical malice.” It sounds so intriguing. I love it.

It right Booklife, Booklife gave me that review. And then they and then they compared me to Tess Gerritsen and Kelly Parsons. And so that made me made the cover anyway. So the book is the book was wonderful. And the thing that you learn about publishing is you get I felt such a hug, group hug, like emotional hug, it was the middle of COVID. You know, we couldn’t do anything, I had to take my author photos outside, my friend took them for me. And you couldn’t have a launch party. So we had to do it online.

But I still felt so much love from readers. You know, I got so much lovely emails and text messages and, and reviews. It just, it’s, it’s amazing. It’s really, really great. And it’s been very successful book. I mean, as I read on your website, as you are an international bestseller. I am,

I can’t even believe it, it made it. It made it in Australia and Canada, and it made it in England, it made number one England so yeah, it went International. That’s amazing.

So you obviously learned a lot of you know, practical stuff about about getting not only getting yourself out there, but getting your book published independently. But is there anything that you would say you learned about yourself in that process? Sure. I learned a lot about myself, I learned.

I would say that I had a vision of myself when I was a kid when I was 14. And I knew I wanted to be a physician. And I guess what I learned is that you’re nothing’s written in stone, and you’re allowed to change your mind about things. So I thought I was going to be an obstetrician. I did it for six months, and I hated it. And I flipped to anesthesia, I thought I was going to be an anesthesiologist. And that was gonna be my career. And that was going to be that I didn’t know that I was going to want to do this to have a second second career.

And I learned it’s okay to allow yourself to have flexibility in your life and not be so narrow. And you’re thinking, I feel like I maybe had blinders on. And I took them off. And I’m like, Oh, the, you know, you can do whatever you want. Like there’s nothing limiting you, you have everything available to you. You just have to go for it.

Yeah. Oh my gosh, that’s amazing. I love hearing that. Because I think so many people listening, I know, are going to be able to identify with that feeling for a very long time. They, from the time they decided to pursue a career in medicine, that they had, you know, sort of blinders, or at least a very fixed path of what they’re supposed to do, and how you’re supposed to go as a doctor. And I mean, there’s, there’s no way that you could have brought what you brought into this world without having first gone through what you went through as a physician. I mean, that’s part of it.

Right? Exactly. Not like it’s not separate. It’s all part of you. But something that I, again, really strikes me as the kind of thing where many people have these sort of pipe dreams where they think, you know, I would love to do blah, blah, blah, but I can’t. And no real compelling reason behind the can’t except for just this feeling of can’t. This feeling of can’t and it’s a self limiting belief. You know, you were you were you were caging yourself.

You don’t you don’t you know, Julie Silver, she runs Harvard writers. She, I love her. One of the things one of the quotes from Julie Silver is you don’t have to think outside the box. You just have to realize how big your box is.

Yeah, that’s exactly right. Yeah, you know, you can think outside the box or you can think about how big that box is. Right. All the breadth of possibilities is just tremendous. Yeah, I agree. So so that book came out and then what, because I know you’re on a second book now. Oh, I’m obsessed with it.

This first came out, my marketing team did everything they can to make it a beautiful baby. And it’s succeeding in the world. And they told me, Carrie told me in October, you need to start your next book. And I said to her, I said, I don’t know because I think you should write a sequel. And I said, “No, that I tied everything up with a big bow. This was always going to be a standalone. I’m not going to.”

She goes, Well, what about a prequel? So a prequel would have put the characters in medical school. And so I did start to write that. And medical school was so traumatic the first time, I couldn’t relive it. I’m like, No, no, no, this book is done these characters are done.

So I started writing something else. It actually I had, it’s a paranormal medical thriller. There. It does follow a physician protagonist, a man doctor, doctor Mira Adad. I love writing in male voices, it’s so much fun to write, like, it’s my favorite part. I don’t know what it is. It’s so fun. I don’t want to get into somebody else’s bed. But it’s not a woman, you know. So I wrote a protagonist and doctor who is being haunted by this ghost. And I can just tell you that for now, but there’s also historical fiction. And so I actually, so it’s two genres. It’s historical fiction and paranormal, that’s really fun. Do you have to do a fair amount of research for that? Or is it around stuff? You know, it’s so much research, research, research research, I researched every aspect of this book. And it’s shocking how much faster it happened for me the second book, I’m almost done. I mean, it’s, it’s crazy. It’s six months, or seven months when I started it, and I’m nearing the end. And it’s been all encompassing. It’s so much. Wow, that’s really tremendous.

Yeah, yeah. It’s great. I love it. I love when can we expect to be able to get our hands on it? I will keep you posted. The thing is, is that I don’t know if I’m going to go traditional, or indie. So I may send it out to that amazing agent. I may send this one out to her and see what she says there’s actually like four or five agents who, again, they were very, very kind. So I may shoot them this book to see if there this is something they’d be interested in. If, if I may give it like six weeks to go traditional and traditional doesn’t pan out, I’ll do I’ll do the independent. If I do the independent, I’m looking at probably January 2022. Probably we will know when it’ll be all ready. That’s so exciting. That’s just in time for TransforMD. There we go. There we go. I can bring you a signed copy. Oh, my gosh.

Well, let me ask you another question. If I can. I know we’ve talked a lot about the book. And we’ve talked a lot about, you know, sort of what you’ve been up to this past year and what you’ve learned, but and this will maybe seem a little silly, because I feel like everyone’s a year, this past year has been super upside down because of COVID. But if you think about your life, in terms of you know, from the time that you got your book out there and just like let that baby go free. How has your life changed since then?

So good. It’s been, I have two careers, you know, so I’m really busy. You know, it’s rare for me to take a complete day off like my, and my husband’s incredibly supportive, but he knows that when I’m coming into my office that there goes the morning, like he’s not gonna see me till later. So it’s changed. It’s changed my ability to be as flexible with my time off because everything is either the new book or helping blog, or, you know, writing guest blogs or writing more articles or so the the career aspect of it, which I love has kind of been time, very time consuming. But how else has it changed? I think I see a future without medicine very clearly.

I know that I’m going to go from part time to no time but not never retired, because I’m always going to have this. And it really suits me. It really suits me it makes me so happy to sit and write. I can see it. I can still see it as you’re telling me this. Yeah, I love it. So I’m just I think I’m overall in a emotionally very happy place because of the writing career. I’m not, I’m not ready to give up medicine. It’s still I love seeing my colleagues, I think if I didn’t have my colleagues and didn’t get to see them, I would probably really miss the human interaction and patient care is, is I enjoy so much of that. Like there’s a lot of things I don’t like about medicine, but the actual caring for the patient and the colleagues the relationship I have with my colleagues, I think those two aspects I would miss too much.

Absolutely I feel that so much. I don’t know anybody. I mean, I know many doctors, you know, based on the work I do. I know many doctors who do leave medicine and don’t want there’s a lot they don’t like about it, but that’s why they choose to leave. But I don’t know a single person who doesn’t like taking care of patiences, right? I mean, everyone loves that, which is sort of sort of unfortunate commentary on the state of health care delivery, because you have all these doctors who love, love, patience and don’t like employment or professional, you know, they don’t like making a living as a doctor.

Yeah, if this isn’t too personal, I want to ask you this question. Because, you know, when we started this conversation, we were talking about writing as a as a hobby, even though you had gone part time. But now you’ve just said you have two careers. So can you tell us a little bit about is that a mindset shift? Or is that because this is like paying the bills now? Or tell us a little bit about that?

Yeah, I think it’s a mindset shift. I think you nailed that. I think it’s, it’s a matter of I know, I have two jobs. So if I’m working part time, and I know Wednesday, like this week, Thursday, and Friday, I’m working there long days, I’m not going to be writing, I’m probably not going to do anything related to marketing. I’m just going to be going to the hospital, coming home, and relaxing in the evening with my husband. But the rest of the time, there’s a little bit more pressure to get things done to be more time cognizant, so I’m not really wasting my mornings.

I get, I get up almost as if I got up to go to work to go to the hospital. And I’ll get my coffee, and I come upstairs and I start writing. So there is a mindset that this is also a very important job. And, and it’s it’s I always tried to do something towards the author career, be it working on my website, be it blogging, be it marketing, helping with my marketing team, or writing the next book? Absolutely. So it’s a little bit more intentional, more deliberate than the first day. Yeah. The first book is just a dino. Just go and whenever you feel like it, and let’s change it and I obsessed about that book, every little detail of that book.

Oh my god. So such an obsession, right? Cuz you don’t know no one is everyone, everyone you love is gonna tell you what’s good. Everyone you love is gonna tell you it’s good. That’s right. Isn’t that right? That’s one of the things I think too, about venturing out into anything that is a second career or a side gig or anything like that is you know, if you ask all of your friends, they all say it’s an amazing idea. I would totally buy it. I absolutely, you know, every someone needs this. And then you try to sell it.

And that’s where we really find out, right? It’s like, Where do you get clients? Do you get readers? Do you get a publisher? Oh, that’s where the rubber meets the road so to speak. Right? before, before we wrap up, I want to be sure that people know, first of all, where can they find you? And where can they? Where can they buy your book? And can they get like an autographed copy if they wanted to? All of those things.

So on my website, it’s my first and last name. It’s Shira Shiloah MD, www.shirashiloahmd.com

It’s available everywhere books are sold, it’s in libraries, your library can order for you if you want to just read it and return it. You can get it on Amazon, of course, is the number one seller. You can get it at your local bookstore.

I will put those links on my website in the show notes as well so that people can come, you know, certainly they can find their way from what you’ve just said. But if they can’t just come on over to the to the podcast, show notes or to my website, and I’ll have links to that, too. Can you send me if you want to share a picture of your book, so I can include it on one side? I usually don’t do that. But this is so beautiful. It really warrants anything. Oh, thank you so much.

Yeah, so so as we wrap up, you know, thinking about sort of the theme of the Career RX obviously intended for physician audiences and healthcare leaders intended to help people along in their careers, whatever that career success might look like. Your story is such an amazing one. I thank you for sharing it. Before we go, if you were to think of a reason why anyone who’s listened with us so far, and is still listening now should share this episode with someone else. What would you tell them?

I think women physicians have plenty of colleagues who are creatives and who want to do something different and are too fearful to try it. I think we need to believe in ourselves. If you have somebody else in your life that you can think of that may want to kind of push the boundaries and do something different in their lives. Shoot this to them, especially anybody who wants to write. And on my blog, you can reach out to me, you can find me on Twitter or Facebook, and I’m happy to answer questions too, especially to women writers.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you coming on the show. It’s wonderful to catch up with you. It’s so wonderful to see you. Thank you so much for having me.

And thank you my friends for joining me for another episode of the career prescription. I really hope you’re finding this interview series this summer. really informative and inspiring to hear from people who have done lots and lots of different things all utilizing their talents and skills as physicians and I really do hope that you are starting to see The world is your oyster, the sky’s the limit, or maybe there is no limit at all to what you can do with your career and with your life.

If you’d like to join us at the transformed retreat for women physicians, please do come check the show notes. Or you can just pop on over to the website, www.transforMD.org and get all the information for the event, as well as sign up and register before it fills. Again, it’s a very small event, which is part of the magic but also part of the reason to to move quickly if you’re interested. Bye for now.

Before you go, please review, share and subscribe to this podcast. Your support makes all the difference and it truly helps this information reach someone who may really need it. Until next time, thanks for listening.

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